Today's Sermon,"Submit, Honor & Love" Marriage Part 2

Scripture: Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:22-24; Titus 2:3-5

Good morning Strangers Rest. This is part two of my series on marriage. This morning, I will be addressing this message to the women and the title for part two is “Submit, Honor and Love.” I do understand that whenever a woman hears the word “submit” coming from a man it generates feelings that might not necessarily be positive or motivating. However, I hope that at the conclusion of this message you will understand more clearly that wives submitting to their husbands is what God commands in His Word and is not negative in any aspect. But most importantly, I want the wives and women hearing this message to understand that Godly submission does not cancel out the truth that, spiritually, husbands and wives are equals in God’s kingdom. As a matter of record, the Bible also tells husbands to submit to their wives. I will go into more detail on this next week but I want to share a personal story about this so you understand what I am saying.

I have told you that I joined the Air Force after two years of community college because that was the only way I could finish my college degree. After three years of attending classes in the evenings after working all day, I graduated with my undergraduate degree. When I completed that degree I had a little over two years left on my second enlistment so I decided I would complete a graduate degree. I was halfway through that degree when I experienced burnt out. So, one night I came home from class and announced to Nikki that I was done. I was tired as it had been four years since I had been taking classes at night after work. We had only been married five years at that time and were still figuring things out as to what our marriage would become but Nikki spoke up. She asked me what I was feeling and why I wanted to drop out. I explained everything to her as best as I could at that moment.

Nikki then told me that I could not drop out. She explained clearly that if I dropped out that I would never go back. When I finally realized that she was right, I stayed with it. Because I took her advice, because I submitted to her wisdom in that situation, I had the career outside of the military that I did. I was hired in the pharmaceutical industry during a time when there were few people who looked like me. I was hired initially because I had finished my graduate degree which was a plus in the application process. If I had dropped out, chances would have been good that I would not have had the career that I did. That one decision, to submit to what I now know was Godly wisdom given to me through my wife, is why I am standing before you today. My career brought me to Kansas. The decision to abandon my college studies that God, through Nikki, talked me out of making, impacted the rest of our lives together and it continues to do so today. Now imagine if I had stood on the foundation that I was the head of the house, and it was her responsibility to follow my lead.

What you’re going to hear this morning is that, just as the husband is commanded to leave his father and mother and cleave to and love his wife as Christ loved the Church, the wife is to submit, honor and love her husband in her service to Christ. This will become clearer later in the message. So, ladies, please do not get so caught up in the negative connation of that one word “submit” that you miss what the Spirit is saying today.

Our foundation Scriptures for this message come from Genesis 3:16, Ephesians 5:22-24 and Titus 2:3-5. I will be reading these from the Amplified Bible. Genesis 3:16 says, “To the woman He said, ‘I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth; in pain you will give birth to children; yet your desire and longing will be for your husband, and he will rule [with authority] over you and be responsible for you.’” 

Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “(22) Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord. (23) For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body. (24) But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house].”

Lastly Titus 2:3-5 says, “(3) Older women similarly are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor addicted to much wine, teaching what is right and good, (4) so that they may encourage the young women to tenderly love their husbands and their children, (5) to be sensible, pure, makers of a home [where God is honored], good-natured, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”

What Paul wrote to the Church is Ephesus and to Titus is just a confirmation of what God said to Eve in the garden, and I will explain this more clearly shortly. Before I go further I want to remind you of what I told you in part one when I spoke to the husbands and men in general. Genesis 2:18 from the Amplified Bible says, “Now the LORD God said, ‘It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him – a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.’” When God chose to make a helper for Adam that was suitable to him, He made a woman. God did not make Eve beneath or inferior to Adam. God made woman to be to man what He was to Israel – a helper. Wives are to strengthen their husbands in areas where they cannot do for themselves. Please keep this in mind because there is a prominent thinking in the Church that women in general are less than a man, so I want to address this thinking first. You are not less than in the eyes of God.

In part one I told you about the prophetess Deborah who was a judge in Israel. She garnered so much respect in the role God had placed her in that the military leader of the Israelite army refused to go to battle without her. And she was not the only woman God used whom men respected as a leader. When you read your New Testament you will read about a woman named Phoebe. Phoebe was a deacon – not a deaconess (in the sense that she was the wife of a deacon) – but a deacon. She walked in the same often as Stephen and the other original deacons. Paul wrote in Romans 16:1-2, “(1) I commend to you Phoebe our sister, who is a servant of the church in Cenchrea, (2) that you may receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints, and assist her in whatever business she has need of you; for indeed she has been a helper of many and of myself also.”

The word translated “servant” in verse one is the Greek word “diakonia” and it comes from the Greek word “diakonos.” The primary and the root words mean “deacon, minister, or servant.” It is the same word that Paul uses in First Timothy 3:8 which say, “Likewise deacons must be reverent, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy for money.” Paul asserts that Phoebe fulfilled the essential requirements of a deacon and did what the men appointed in Acts 6 were called upon to do. My point is this, women, when God calls you and gives you an assignment, you are not less than, you are equal. And when it comes to your decision to marry, you enter the marriage knowing that God expects you to submit to, honor and love your husband as part of His plan for the family and the Church. So, let’s go back to the beginning with what God told Eve in Genesis chapter three.

Genesis 3:16 from the Amplified Bible says, “To the woman He said, ‘I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth; in pain you will give birth to children; yet your desire and longing will be for your husband, and he will rule [with authority] over you and be responsible for you.’” When God spoke to Eve, He told her first that she would experience pain in childbirth. This tells me that maybe God’s original plan did not include the woman having pain during childbirth. But when Adam and Eve sinned, pain became a part of God’s creation. Next He tells her that her desire would be for her husband, and he would rule over her. The Hebrew word that is translated “desire” is “tshuwqah” and it means “a sense of stretching out after; a longing.” God told Eve that she would have a longing for her husband and that he would rule over her.

If you continue reading you will find that God pronounced upon the man that he would now have to work diligently for what God had previously provided for him, and he would need to do this to provide for his family. In Genesis God commanded that the woman would have a longing for her own husband but as I said in part one, every married couple owns the right to decide what they want their marriage to be. Your marriage can be based on society and traditions, or you can choose to take a step back and ask the question, “What if my married was based on what God says?” God said the wife would long for her husband so let’s look at how this plays out in the New Testament.

In Ephesians 5:22-24 from the Amplified Bible, Paul writes, “(22) Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord. (23) For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body. (24) But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house].” The first thing I want to point out is that wives are subject to their own husband as a partner in the marriage. You are not subject to any other man! If you are single and your father is still alive, he still commands your respect as your father. However, the Bible does not require you submit to a man just because he is a man, and you are a woman.

Most people know Ephesians 5:22 from the King James Bible which says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” The word “submit” in the Greek means, “obey, be under obedience, submit self unto.” This word is a command of the wife, but she must choose to do it. A wife cannot be forced into submission in the marriage because forced submission is the same as slavery. If a husband must demand that his wife submits to him it is likely because he is not leaving, cleaving, or loving her as he should. If a man is doing his part, there is not a wife who will not submit to his Godly headship.

Some husbands and wives believe submission infers that women are inferior to men in some way. I addressed this earlier that this is not the case. A woman who submits to her own husband does not lose her identity and become a non-person. Another misconception is that the submission means blind obedience on the part of the wife – she can give no input to her husband or question decisions being made. Again, this view of submission is not scriptural. A marriage is a unique relationship between a man and a woman where the two come together and establish one entity according to the will of God. And if you’re doing it according to God’s will, then that means you will follow the instructions that He has established in His word. Paul told the wives to do this “.…as to the Lord.”

Paul tells the wife in verse twenty-three why he is saying she should submit to her own husband. He says “(23) For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body.” This goes back to what God told Eve when He said the husband would rule over her. But again, we must look at this not from how society tells us to view it. Society tells us that when a woman submits she loses part of herself in the act of submission. I believe the woman gains because submission is an instruction from God not a man. In verse twenty-four he writes, “(24) But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house].” The wife is to be subject to her husband by respecting his position as the protector of the family and his responsibility to God as the head of the house.

Wives I need you to hear me on this one. When you choose to marry a man, you are choosing to do so I hope because you love that man. If you marry a man who is following God, as part of your service to God, you choose to follow that man because you respect the role that he is walking in as the head of the house. This is why when Paul closes out this chapter he wrote, “However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].”  (Ephesians 5:33 Amplified) 

Women, it is said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I stand before you as a man to tell you that is a lie! Just because you can cook does not mean that a man will love you. He may love your cooking while still loving someone else. Wives, if you want to know how to respect and honor your husband, build him up versus tearing him down. There have been many husbands who found themselves in relationships outside of their marriage because a woman showed him some attention that he wasn’t getting at home from his wife. Please understand I am in no way blaming the wife for his action because he should have told her what his needs were by having an open and honest conversation with her. It is his responsibility to find out why his wife might not be willing or able to meet his needs and build a plan for moving forward. And I promise you that just as the husband’s needs were not being met he was probably not meeting some needs of his wife. Do you see the cycle? For many years wives have been blamed for not being able to keep their husbands at home and oftentimes they believed this and felt it was their fault that their husband strayed. Please know that this is not the case. If a man strays it’s simply because he chooses to because he has not cleaved to his wife and loved her as his own body. Believe me when I tell you that if there are problems in the married God will look at the man first because he is the one that God has placed at the head. So men, you need to know that being the head comes with the responsibility of taking care of your marriage and identifying where the gaps are and quickly closing them. 

Wives, I do not care how macho your husband is, we, husbands, want to be loved, respected and honored by you. This means we want you to value us, our opinions, admiring our wisdom and character, appreciating our commitment to you and you considering our needs. When we do something, compliment us on it. This is the one time when it is okay to give us a participation trophy. Think about it. Your husband decides to wash the clothes for the first time – trying to step it up as a husband and help. He puts the colors in with the whites and wash with hot water. Then he took everything out of the washer and placed it in the dryer on high. When you take the clothes out of the dryer and see that the whites are no longer white and the sizes have shrunk, instead of fussing at him and making him feel bad because he did not know how to wash clothes, hug him! Give him a participation trophy. Tell him you appreciate him trying and next time you will do it with him and show him some tricks. He will feel good about his efforts and will be open to learning more about the tricks to make sure they’re done right next time.

Wives, husbands must be self-confident in our personhood as a man and if you beat us down in this our marriage will suffer. And please know that as you beat us down our enemy will always provide someone on the side to build us up. His tactics have never changed! Husbands need to be listened to – so talk with us versus talking at us or not talking at all. We need companionship, which is why we got married in the first place. But here is one that you might not think of with men – we need to be needed. Yes I know that there are many things wives are more than capable of doing by themselves, but husbands need to be needed just as wives need to be needed. Let us do something for you and then compliment us on doing it. If we are going somewhere, let us open the doors for you and when we do it right, tell us. There is a reason God said that the man is to leave, cleave and love while the woman is to submit, honor and love. We are different creatures with unique needs so therefore we must work together to ensure the marriage works. Wives, your meeting the needs of your husband are what respecting them is all about and if that husband is doing his job you will lose nothing of yourself in doing it. We want you to be our number one fan. We can receive positive feedback from a lot of people, but it is the positive feedback from the one we love most that is most important.

So, the wife is to submit to her husband, honor him, and finally love him. Paul wrote this in his letter to Titus, “(3) Older women similarly are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor addicted to much wine, teaching what is right and good, (4) so that they may encourage the young women to tenderly love their husbands and their children, (5) to be sensible, pure, makers of a home [where God is honored], good-natured, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (Titus 2:3-5) You see that phrase “tenderly love their husbands…” that is a lot of work, especially if that man is not doing what he is supposed to be doing. But I want you to see something that many people overlook.

We cannot underestimate what God can do through a woman who is walking with Him. Peter identified this when he wrote in First Peter 3:1-2. I will be reading from the Amplified Bible and it says, “(1) In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives, (2) when they see your modest and respectful behavior [together with your devotion and appreciation, love your husband, encourage him, and enjoy him as a blessing from God].”  Peter makes it clear that if a husband is not saved, that wife is still to submit to his lead and to fulfill her duties to him as unto the Lord. And here is the reason, that wife may lead her husband to Christ through her conduct without ever having to preach a single word to him. He said when that unsaved husband sees their modest and respectful behavior coupled with their devotion and appreciation of them; their encouragement and the fact that they are enjoying him as a blessing from God, it could lead to their salvation. There have been many husbands who have been saved because of how their wives walked before them.

When you examine closely how God looks at a marriage, a few things stand out. First, God has given to the greater responsibility to the husband for the condition of the church and the family. First Corinthians 11:3, 8-9 says, “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head (authority over) of every man, and man is the head of woman, and God is the head of Christ….(8) For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; (9) for indeed man was not created for the sake of woman, but woman for the sake of man.” Men will answer to God for how they lead their families, so our role is not to be entered into likely. Spiritually men and women are equal. Physically, men and women are not equal. When it comes to the marriage, God has distinct roles for both men and women, and they complement each other in a way that most glorifies God. And finally, man did not originate from woman, but the opposite. Woman was created for the “sake” of the man – again, the man needed the woman.

I will leave you with what the early Christian author Tertullian wrote in A.D. 200: “How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice. They are as brother and sister, both servants of the same Master. Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in spirit. They are, in very truth, ‘two in one flesh;’ and where there is but one flesh there is also but one spirit. They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God’s church and partake of God’s banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecutions, share their consolations.” 

Until next time, “The Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.”  (Numbers 6:24-26)